Thom Forbes

Below is the story of Pittsburgh Pirate great Dock Ellis, who pitched a no-hitter against the San Diego Padres in 1970 while high on LSD and various uppers. It is be rumored to the first installment in a series of animated shorts by No Mas TV. Future installments are said to include:

* Attorney Stein & The Rotgut Sweet-Potato Vodka 27-7 Masterpiece, which will chronicle the esteemed counselor's 2007 journey to the former Soviet Union during which he engaged in a marathon 7/27 game with a troupe of overweight ballet dancers, gone-to-hell circus muscle men and former KGB agents-turned-department-store-dicks while plastered on sweet-potato vodka. In one round, he took an all-time record 27 cards and then attempted to bluff the low.

* Attorney Wolf & The Stale Beer No-Fold Caper. This short tells the story of the esteemed counselor's record-setting 352 rounds in which he did not fold, even once, in a game in Bensonhurst in 1939. Yellowing newspaper clippings from the time state that he attributed his admitted  "stubborn resolve to see every hand through in hopes that I could steal the low" to having ingested "stale, four-day-old homemade beer from an Irish deli" the night before.

* Attorney Lowenstein & The Worse-Cards-Ever Bad-Luck Streak. Having ingested nothing stronger than 100-proof Bad Karma, the esteemed counselor has had an ongoing string of 1,350 consecutive Wednesday nights in which he has been dealt "the most unplayable hand imaginable. Ever." Some say the bad patch, like Dom DiMaggio's 34-game consecutive hitting streak in 1949, will never be broken.