Thom Forbes

Police Hunt Men Who Robbed Berlin Poker Tourney

German police said six men remained at large after they allegedly stole the precise amount of $115,115.15 after storming a poker tournament in Berlin Saturday and making their getaway through a crowded shopping center whilst singing an English song with lyrics that sounded like L. Cohen's, "First We Take Mt. Hope, Then We Take Berlin." 

A Berlin police spokesman said six men — several wearing scraggly beards and Bermuda shorts — entered the Grand Hyatt Berlin, where they threatened a cashier with lame jokes, long-winded anecdotes, Broadway showtunes from the '40s and social commentary while stuffing bags with cash. One man asked that his share of the lucre be doled out in increments of 15 pfennigs and another counted his take one bill at a time. A third was heard mumbling incessantly about "joining my clients, all of whom are already in jail." Police psychologists said they had theories about these dilatory and self-deprecating practices but would not reveal what they were with "women and children possibly watching."

Police officials did venture that the robbers appeared to be less than professional. Detectives said they are reviewing video of the heist, which they said shows at least one robber who failed to take any money because, he said, "It's a lock situation. Just don't play me for a fool and tell me otherwise."  Another, in vintage Converse sneakers and chi-chi plaid shorts, kept showing his ill-gotten loot to bystanders. The sixth participant bore a cane and derby hat and was said to grin knowingly throughout the heist, telling one victim, "I wanted to play a quiet game of Grecoid myself, but my buddies had other ideas." 

Police were also investigating the possibility that a seventh man, who can be heard in the video below saying that he'd be playing in a future tournament in San Reno, was an "inside" plant. He told the comely dealer his name was Ãéþñãïò; she called him "Big Guy" for short.