Before another game transpires — this week's will be at Peter Arno's, 37 Garland, by the way — I feel compelled to reach out with a helping hand.
Many people bet on sports, play poker, place an online wager or buy a lottery ticket once in a while. But, playing 7/27 can spiral out of control for dozens of people in Hastings-on-Hudson. It can disrupt or even destroy lives emotionally and financially.
"Even if you pay off your 7/27 debts, you can lose the trust of your spouses, little shavers and fellow cronies," says Michael Q.E.D. Bisbee, executive director of the National Council on Problem 7/27ism (NCP7/27). "A 7/27 problem can hurt your reputation at St. Matt's, performance at racquetball, and ability to function rationally at the annual Fire Dept. smoker. It can affect nearly every part of your life, including your talents in singing a cappella, drinking 40 vodka shots on a Russian road trip, or kvetching (or kvelling) about the legal-beagle (or legal-massive-hound) business."
Do you have a problem with 7/27?
Problem 7/27 players often continue to take cards in spite of mounting evidence that they're fishing for a flying pig in a poke, according to the NCP7/27's Bisbee. If you have concerns, talk with your doctor.
Answering yes to one or more of the questions below may mean that you have a problem. Have you:
* Often taken upwards of seven or eight cards in pursuit of 27?
* Frequently played 7/27 until your last snivel chip was gone?
* Used your income or savings to gamble at 7/27, leaving you unable to attend Comedy Night, graciously sponsored by Harvest on Hudson/Half Moon restuarants, at the High School on Friday, March 20th, at 8 p.m., where you will laugh uproariously at comedian Al Lubel before or after having dinner and/or drinks at one of the aforementioned establishments?
* Lost sleep thinking about that picture card you should have gone for whilst sitting on a 6 1/2?
* Repeatedly tried to bluff a low with a 13?
* Broken wind, or suppressed breaking wind, at the mere thought of playing 7/27?
* Driven roundtrip from Putnam County despite that fact that you knew 7/27 was going to be played that evening?
* Felt depressed or refused to wear your bermuda shorts because no one else wants to play 7/27?
* Had deep and abiding regrets after dealing yourself three 10s?
* Used unlikely excuses ("I have to attend to the family theater in San Diego") to disappear on weeks-long 7/27 binges?
* Scared the bejeezus out of a patient whose teeth you're yanking by muttering, "I needed a Yogi but I pulled a hoe-ah"?
Take the next step
Like a drug or alcohol addiction, problem 7/27 playing is a medical disorder. Having it doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're a borderline sociopath. Your doctor <peter_arno@nymc.edu> can recommend support groups and individual counseling. Take that first step and admit you're impotent over your affliction with 7/27ism.